its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
someone owes me an orgasm
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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