how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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