Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize