if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
