It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
