Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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