My nipple is on Facebook.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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