help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize