I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
