I could make wine with my vomit
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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