You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
