my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if only i could text you this smell
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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