I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
