How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
