I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
