i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
