If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
