my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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