Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
