I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
