I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize