Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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