My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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