break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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