Can i not drive my cunt home
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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