it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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