Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
