he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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