dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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