Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
