Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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