You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
