a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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