i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
