I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
