I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
