I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
