sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"