If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.