Your mouth is God's brothel.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
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Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz