Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
