Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
