You're so nebulous sometimes
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
