don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
