I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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