Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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