my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
