Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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