...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
