I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
