So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
