I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
