maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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