Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
