I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
