sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
