So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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