I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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