Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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