oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
