Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
