I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
