I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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