first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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