i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
