The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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